Wednesday, January 9, 2013

We're Breaking Up Again

My legs are like spaghetti.  Like many great Americans, I am disgusted with myself after all of the holiday overeating and have started trekking back to the YMCA after work.  It's either that or buy a new here we are.  As always, I have created a new workout playlist on my iPod to inspire me.  Here are a few of my inspirational songs:
Fighter - Christina Aguilera
Hit Me With Your Best Shot - Pat Benetar
Baggage Claim - Miranda Lambert
Forget You - Cee Lo Green
This Ones for the Girls - Martina McBride
Bulletproof - La Roux
Raise Your Glass - Pink
Truck Yeah - Tim McGraw
So What - Pink
You Can't Stop the Beat - Hairspray
Gunpowder & Lead - Miranda Lambert
Blow Me (One Last Kiss) - Pink

And once again, it is apparent that I have a lot of angry breakup music in the lineup. I’m not sure why this music pumps me up so much. I mean there’s some fun stuff but what’s the deal with the breakup songs? And then I realized.

It’s happening again.  We're breaking and my big butt. I have broken up with my big butt several times before only to reunite with it again a few months later. It has always lured me back with sugary sweets and fatty fried foods, and I just haven’t seemed to be able to get it out of my life for good. Well, it’s done me wrong long enough. I’m mad and I’m breaking things off for the last time. I even wrote it a Dear John letter.

Dear Big Butt,
I know we’ve been together a long time. We know each other so well but there’s never really been love between us. In fact, I've never loved you and I never will. You make me unhappy. You make me feel bad about myself. You’re weighing me down. And this time I’m serious. Don’t come around anymore because I’m not taking you back. You need to just go and take all your fat pants with you. No one likes you. Your dimples haven’t been cute since I was about 3 years old. There’s no room for you here anymore so please quit following me around. You're not the butt I'm meant to be with and I'm tired of settling. I breaking things off for good.  Goodbye.

P.S. If I even sense for one minute that you're not going to leave, I will ask my friends to step in and kick you.  Hard.

So, what’s in your iPod lineup?